I think you might have confrontation confused with communication….
Confrontation? Communication? I have noticed over the years working as a therapist that many people have confrontation confused with communication. I have heard “ I don’t like confrontation” or “ I don’t mind confrontation” 100s of times. Hmmmmm… why are we jumping over communication to confrontation? There is a big difference between the two and one is much healthier then the other.
Communication, unlike confrontation is a way to listen or talk to someone in a respectful way. Confrontation can be very disrespectful, put people of the defense, influence negative feelings, and create resistance to being heard or creating any kind of change. Communicating unlike confrontation can open doors for change and you certainly have a better chance of being heard.
For example, let take a look at these 2 simple statements:
You never do anything I tell you to do.
I appreciate it if you pick up your clothes; it really helps me out when you do.
Can you see the difference? In the first sentence it is immediately instigates negativity as it starts with a “you” where the other sentence starts with an “I”. When using statements with “I” in the beginning you own what you are saying but when you put a “you” at the beginning of a statement the person will most likely feel pretty defensive or even defeated if you say it enough.
Lets take a quick look at 5 healthy ways to communicate:
Always start with an “I” statement when stating a need or a want.
- Always start with an “I” statement when stating a need or a want.
- Try never to talk to someone when your negative emotions are high.
- Watch you body language and your tone.
- Be open and honest.
- Listen back.
These quick tips can help you in all environments; at home, work, school, ect. They can also help you with all the people in your life; your significant other, children, bosses, employees, and friends. Good luck my friends, remember kindness is key.
Alyssa Warren is a licensed therapist , blogger, and owner of Innovative Direction in Pensacola, FL. If you like more information or make an appointment with Alyssa or other clinicians at Innovative Direction call or email today.